I wrote this song about a close loved one struggling with depression and despair, and it also comes out of my own past experiences with despair, depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout (including what I’m coming to understand as “autistic burnout”).
I was reflecting on how those conditions can cause us to give up on getting our needs met. We begin to lean defensively away from life rather than proactively towards life, and anxiety makes us look helplessly at the massive problems that we can’t solve rather than at small, immediate next steps of self-care (eating, resting, bathing, etc.) that might still feel very hard but that are much more within our power—and which will move us closer to being fit to start addressing the larger-scale problems.
This song—and particularly the line “all is not lost”—was also influenced by the music album I mentioned in my “Winter Splashings” post, Restoration by RORY. She writes about her past struggles with the darkness of addiction and how she found her way to healing through the belief-hope that it was still possible to be restored to a life of meaning and joy. That resonated deeply with me, as I recalled my own dark times from which I emerged to discover in surprise that a life of health and happiness was still possible.
I would dearly love for this song to find its way to someone who needs it, for encouragement to hold on through the darkness and keep taking baby steps back towards life.
“Hold On to You” lyrics
There is a darkness
whose name is despair
that comes when you’re struggling
and gasping for air.
In times in the past,
you were left all alone
in torment and anguish.
But now you’re here and you are known,
and I am here saying to you:
Things are hard right now,
and you don’t see a way.
Please hold on, my dear,
and narrow your gaze.
What can you do in this moment
to take care of you?
Keep on self-attending,
for that’s how your way will break through.
So hold on, hold on to you.
When you’re depleted,
no will left to fight,
it seems like the darkness
may choke out the light.
But all is not lost—
that’s just in your head.
I know it’s not easy,
but please hold on and see instead
that I am here and you are too.
Things are hard right now,
and you don’t see a way.
Please hold on, my dear,
and narrow your gaze.
What can you do in this moment
to take care of you?
Keep on self-attending,
for that’s how your way will break through.
So hold on, hold on to you.
The little one inside of you,
the tender-hearted creature who
holds your true feelings—
she’s still inside.
And she’ll lead step by step
as you let her guide.
Things are hard right now,
and you don’t see a way.
Please hold on, my dear,
and narrow your gaze.
What can you do in this moment
to take care of you?
Keep on self-attending,
for that’s how your way will break through.
So hold on, hold on to you.
Share this post