This is a song about an ongoing question in my life, as well as the lives of some others I know: how to cope with the horror and sorrow that comes from taking in news stories about suffering, cruelty, hatred, war, and the like—especially when you feel like you’re barely making it through the day yourself (see my recent essay about living in survival mode), and you certainly don’t have the resources to go try to somehow tackle those huge, distant problems.
I’d been trying to write a song about this for a while, because I needed one, but it wasn’t coming—until I saw this video by Brittney Hartley (of whom I’m a big fan), in which she talks (among other things) about the difference between these two extremes:
those who can benefit from having their circle of empathy expanded, who go about in a self-absorbed bubble, unaware of the deep suffering of others, and
those who are so aware of the suffering and cruelty in the world that they struggle with existential depression and nihilism (like, “is life really worth all this horrible suffering?”), so much that it hinders them from functioning enough to do what they can to make a difference.
For the latter group, she says, dwelling on suffering is not a good idea:
“You’ll actually do more to reduce suffering by focusing your where efforts matter the most, which is around you, than to be doom scrolling on the couch crying.”
— Brittney Hartley (in this video)
This is a reminder I need frequently—hence my song.
It helps me remember that my job is not to fix all the suffering in the world. My job is to tend to my own mind and my own domain of influence, making a difference in the world—fighting back against darkness—in the ways that I actually CAN, however small.
“Tend Your Heart” Lyrics
I thought it was a virtue,
a thing good people do,
to witness far-off suffering
reported in the news.
And yes, it gives perspective,
expands one’s empathy—
but those whose hearts stay broken
don’t need more injury.
Oh, tender soul,
your work is right here,
in what’s in your control.
Keep your sights on your sphere,
and safeguard the light
that’s unique to your heart.
That light is your weapon
to defy the dark.
So tend it, tender heart,
tend your heart.
I think the higher virtue
than staying all-aware
is guarding your attention
and spending it with care.
We need you at your brightest,
the best version of you—
so wherever your heart leads,
please follow in pursuit.
Oh, tender soul,
your work is right here,
in what’s in your control.
Keep your sights on your sphere,
and safeguard the light
that’s unique to your heart.
That light is your weapon
to defy the dark.
So tend it, tender heart,
tend your heart.
It’s okay to look away
when your heart can’t take the pain.
The darkness needs your light to shine
so be the keeper of your mind.
Oh, tender soul,
your work is right here,
in what’s in your control.
Keep your sights on your sphere,
and safeguard the light
that’s unique to your heart.
That light is your weapon
to defy the dark.
So tend it, tender heart,
tend your heart.
