🏝️ Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood

The best parenting book I've read

Here’s the link to this book’s Amazon page

If anyone asks me to recommend a parenting book, this will be my answer. It’s far and away the best one I’ve ever read!

Eli Harwood, a therapist and psychologist specializing in parent-child attachment research, writes with both experienced depth and accessible warmth about how—and why—to build secure connection with your child. For example, in chapter 1, she writes:

“The fascinating paradox that attachment research has revealed about human development is that when we feel securely attached to our caregivers in early childhood, it actually increases our independent adventuring later on. The more secure nurture and co-regulation a child receives, the more internalized confidence and trust they have in us and in themselves, which allows them to focus on the tasks of learning and exploring!”

The book is highly readable, and Eli’s quirky, enthusiastic personality shines through, just as it does in her social media videos (@attachmentnerd).

I particularly appreciate her gentle, non-blaming tone. She emphasizes throughout the book that it’s never too late to work on your relationship with your child.

She then shows, in generous detail, how to proceed with building a more secure parent-child relationship at every stage of a child’s development.

For example, I love the conversation scripts she weaves throughout the book for talking to children in validating, supportive, and connection-building language, like this:

“‘I hear how upset you are about this. This feels terrible to you. I am here. I got you. We will get through this together.’”

I also love how she spells out what is the parent’s job and not the child’s:

“It is not our children’s job to keep us calm; it is our job to recognize when we are getting activated and model taking the steps to get into a more regulated brain and body state.”

This is something I am fervently trying to work on! (See my latest “Parenting Puddles” post.)

Everything Eli says adds to my toolbox for unlearning the parenting mindsets that I (and I think most of my generation) received and learning a new and better way of relating to my kids.

In short, I strongly recommend this book to any parents, at any stage of life—even those whose children are already grown.

Eli has several other books out as well, plus one coming out soon that I’m excited to read: How to Deal with Your (___) So Your Kids Don’t Have To.

Check her out, and if you’re on social media, definitely follow her for insightful, powerful content. I’ve never met her, but I feel like she is a friend, because of her relatability and transparency. And I deeply respect her for her work. 💜

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