Carrying Me Around
My "satchel practice"
My three-year-old always has a babydoll with her; my eight-year-olds each have a certain stuffed animal as their security object. As for me, I now have my SATCHEL.
This is a new practice I’ve established recently that is helping me learn to uphold myself. It works to accomplish this on three different levels.
Level 1: A tool for self-care
It’s got all my special me-things:
A book to read
My two main current notebooks (one for “morning pages”/journal, one for poems and songs)
My small laptop, for working on my novel/s and other writing projects
A pencil case that contains colorful felt-tip pens
A small folder for certain loose papers as well as some blank paper for sketching
Plus sensory aids that I now think of as my autism tools:
Earplugs
Sunglasses
Knitting
My bluetooth earpiece for listening to music and audiobooks (though that mostly lives in my pocket)
Plus a few other self-care basics such as tissues, lotion, and, obviously, chocolate.
I have a separate small purse for errands, and I have a larger tote bag for outings that require more stuff (eg., kids’ paraphernalia). But this satchel is my me bag.
I carry it around the house with me and outside too, not every moment, but every time I decamp to an area where I expect to be for a while. Having it always nearby enables me to seize a lot more opportunities for taking care of myself than I used to. I can easily grab my earplugs or sunglasses when I’m feeling overwhelmed/overstimulated, or I can fill idle moments of waiting or resting with things that help to refill my inner cup—namely, reading and writing.
Level 2: A reminder-symbol of self-care
In my roles as a mother, wife, pet-mom, insurance agent, and general people-helper (and recovering people-pleaser!), my satchel has become a physical symbol of self-care. Seeing it and carrying it around helps remind me to tend to my own wants and needs, not just everyone else’s.
Level 3: A symbol of deeper spiritual practice
And beyond that, my satchel also serves as a deeper, spiritual-level symbol. Whatever happens in life, whatever people or difficulties splash unexpectedly into the river of my day, I can find inner safety and stability on the rock of keeping company with myself. Through practicing mindfulness and self-tending—paying attention to my experience and respecting my feelings as best I can—I can carry “me” around with me wherever I go, being my own keeper, whatever the river brings.